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July 28, 2006
My Miami Vice Dream
I guess I must be excited about going to see the new Miami Vice movie, because I had this cuh-razy dream about it last night. This is my actual dream:
So, it starts with me going to the movie, but then in one of those wacky Last Action Hero moments, I'm suddenly IN the movie, as the villain. I keep getting bugged by this massive handlebar mustache that I have for some reason (I'm reading Hitchcock/Truffaut right now, and there was this bit where Hitch was talking about the old silent movies and how the dastard always had the big mustache, so that's probably where that came from).
Anyway, the plot is that there's a hit out on Sonny Burnett, the undercover identity of James "Sonny" Crockett (a dangling plot thread from the second season, where a drug lord discovered that they were one and the same, and had a standing contract out on him). There's two actors cast for the movie who look somewhat like Don Johnson and Phillip Michael Thomas, playing these roles. The dude playing Thomas really bugged the fuck out of me, because he was overacting in his portrayal of the overacting Thomas. The swerve is that it's Farrell and Fox who come in to play the undercover roles of Crockett (Burnett) and Tubbs (whose undercover name I can't remember, and apparently the internet doesn't care (Sonny Crockett has his own Wikipedia entry, but Tubbs doesn't (because he's a loser)))(Okay, a little more digging found that it was Rico Cooper (still a loser)).
So, I'm sitting in the theater, wondering when the hell Farrell and Fox are going to come into the film, because obviously the real Crockett and Tubbs are going to get whacked, when all of a sudden, I'm standing in a shopping mall, holding a gun, and I see Sonny Crockett walking by, and I straight blow his head off. Edward James Olmos, reprising his role as Castillo, but now sporting an eyepatch (Yahr!), comes up on me and we've got ourselves a standoff. Then, the real Tubbs shows up, and we're in a Mexican Standoff (Wee Ooo Wee Ooo Wah Wah WAH!), because all of a sudden Tubbs turns evil and he's trying to help me escape.
Out of nowhere, some teenage girl in hotpants and nothing else (because it's Miami, and hey, it's my dream) goes walking by, and I grab her (guess where) and hold her hostage. So, we back our way out of the mall and into the parking lot, and get into her SUV, which for some reason is loaded up with bulletproof vests. I keep asking her if she's over eighteen, because even in my dreams I don't want to be a pedophile. We start driving, and I cover myself up with the vests, and ask her, "Why the hell do you have all of these bulletproof vests?"
Then she pulls over, gets out (I can't stop her because of all the vests on top of me), and says, "Because I'm a cop." Bitch! Then she takes off running, shoots at me once, and I shoot back at her and miss. Obviously, she was kinda dumb, because I was covered up in vests.
So then, we cut scene to the garage from the house I grew up in, which was a seperate building from the rest of the house. I'm in there with Tubbs, and we're having a standoff with the cops. For some reason, they're not just tossing in some flash grenades and storming us, because, you know, this is a dream and not reality.
Then, I guess this became a bi-coastal operation, because in walks Eddie Murphy as Axel Foley, Beverly Hills Cop. So, I beat him up and kick him back out. Finally, Tubbs and I (even when he's a dramatic cop gone bad, he's still a sidekick (loser)) decide to give up, and go walking out of the garage. Through some sort of dream logic, we walk into the living room of the house I grew up in, rather than just the outside, and laying on the couch, acting as if he's a bum under a bunch of trash, pops up Axel Foley again.
He's got me down on the ground cuffing me, and all of a sudden we're not in the living room anymore but back outside, and I say, "Way to go, Eddie Murphy!"
And he says back, "What's that, motherfucker?"
"I said, way to go, Eddie Murphy!"
He gets pissed, and I feel him sticking his hand in my pocket (don't go there), and he says "Oh, looks like our guy's got some drugs on him!" As if being a cop killer wouldn't put me in jail for long enough!
But! Apparently Castillo is hiding on the roof of the house with a sniper rifle (the second season revealed that he's actually some covert operative whose been given a new ID, after all, I shit you not), and spots Foley planting the drugs on me, and kills Foley.
Then I wake up. Oh! My dream was scored by Jan Hammer, to boot.
Posted by Schamberger at July 28, 2006 12:56 PM